A confession

Hey guys. I just want to state right now that I am alive. I haven't died or anything...I've just been on a life hiatus. Just...y'know, focusing on my personal life because...frankly, it's been empty for a while. I've just been spending time hanging out with people, going places, trying to get out of the little isolation bubble I've put myself in for so long.

I can happily say that the efforts have paid off. Though, I should confess my other reason I've been gone for a while. And brace yourself, this is gonna be a long one.

When I first joined on this site, it was for the hope I would have an chance to draw what I enjoyed. I did draw other things, but it was more of things people'd like to see or were important for my classes- not really things I personally enjoyed. For a while, dA gave me just that- I was able to meet people with my similar interest and enjoy art as well. I met some of my best friends though here, and still talk to a lot of them to this day.

However, I feel like the longer I've been on here, the more I felt obliged I had to draw certain things. As in, I was always thinking, 'Oh man, I can't draw another Sonic thing. That'll mean I'm stubborn to improvement. Gotta force out/squeeze out something someone else recommended.' And sometimes, it turned out to work for me, if I genuinely enjoyed the idea. Other times I would just silently agree, worrying I'd get yelled at/get forced to go about the idea, even if I knew they weren't that kind of person. I'd feel bad every time I started to fade from a fandom because I always seemed to burn out- not completely, but to where I would only draw it once a week compared to every day.

And then there's all the, 'suggestions'. "Hey Sunny, you should draw this, you should draw that, Hey Sunny, you should get to work on that thing you've clearly said at least three times you might never work on it again.' And that sort of thing stresses me out. While I hate to see things unfinished, I'd rather leave them unfinished/not worked on if I have no genuine interest in them.

Now if it were for school/money, that would be another story. I still have interest in my work if there's a reason for it so I enjoy it fairly well. In fact that's what I've been doing during my hiatus. At the same time, though, as I tried to drift from drawing things I enjoyed, I started to become more and more miserable. That might have also come from the stress of pushing myself out my comfort zone, but feeling like I have to draw something for someone else instead of what I enjoy for a site I use solely for a personal art dump is extremely distressful for me.

So with that, I avoided going on day after day. I was worried I'd be bombarded with angry messages asking why I wasn't on or why I wasn't drawing/working on their, 'suggestion' that was clearly stressing me out. After coming on here because a friend asking for my dA, I spent my time scrolling though my main page, some of you actually deeply concerned about my well being- which I do admit, find very sweet.

I suppose my break might have brought some good, however. Whenever I did have a sketchday, I've been working on my anatomy, and from playing some WoW I have some pretty good character sketches I might post up on here. And just a bunch of other ones from these past few months- but I digress.

And with that, I conclude. I really want to apologize for worrying a lot of you- hopefully since I've been starting to get some more personal art churning I can get back to how things used to be back when I started.